America's Sweethearts Reviewed

ROVIN' AND RAVIN' WITH MIKE

America's Sweethearts

I'm not sure that I can explain this, but for some reason America's Sweethearts makes me think of Jurassic Park III. The whole reason for going to see either of these films is to look at the big guys or gals: T. rex and Spinosaurus in one, Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta-Jones in the other. Otherwise, neither film has much going for it. And, some of the encounters between Roberts and Zeta-Jones do remind me of the encounter between T. rex and.... Excuse me, that is not very gallant.

O.K., as many films as I sit through (and, all too often, feel that I am suffering through), I am ready for a film that will dish the dirt on Hollywood, home of shallow dreams and obnoxious people. The problem with America's Sweethearts, however, is that it is such a shallow film, and so many of the folks involved with it would rank among the most obnoxious people in Tinseltown. (You decide which ones.) Basically, they are playing themselves, perhaps even being themselves. So, how far are they going to go to poke fun... at themselves?

Not very. This is a big budget film, with some high salaries on the books, and it has to sell a whole lot of tickets. And, guess what? It probably will, not because of any scintillating wit (unless you count some tiresome Billy Crystal one-liners), depth of character, interest of plot, or acting ability. It will make a gazillion dollars because of the names associated with it.

Gwen and Eddie, the sweethearts of the title, are played by Catherine Zeta-Jones and John Cusack, with about the least on-screen chemistry I've ever seen. Gwen and Eddie come together to publicize their new film, a ludicrous science fiction yarn, as their marriage falls apart. (Gee, anyone thinking Tom and Nicole?) Billy Crystal as an almost out-to-pasture publicist presides over the faux reunion of the two not only to save the film's chances of making a gazillion dollars but also of saving his own job.

There’s nothing really sweet about these sweethearts. I keep thinking that Eddie should consider himself lucky to be rid of Gwen (he does end up with a cactus taking her place), and Gwen didn’t really lose much when she left Eddie. There’s nothing warm and cozy about these characters, especially when shown in contrast to Gwen’s sister Kiki (Julia Roberts). We can’t feel as sorry for Kiki as the movie wants us to feel if we take Gwen with the shaker full of salt that the movie offers us. (Hold it for the popcorn.)

The best that I can say about America’s Sweethearts is that it shares a very good trait with Jurassic Park III: it’s only about an hour and a half long. So, go to the video store and look for State and Main (unfortunately, only on DVD), which came out last year and did a much, much better job of showing behind-the-scenes Hollywood, not to mention of being an enjoyable film.