Curse of the Jade Scorpion Reviewed

ROVIN' AND RAVIN' WITH MIKE

The Curse of the Jade Scorpion

As I've written before, I just don't "get" Woody Allen. I'm afraid that The Curse of the Jade Scorpion does nothing to change my feeling of puzzlement whenever other movie-lovers start ravin' about him. I understand that Allen's works are supposed to be a reflection of some sort of New Yorker neurosis that he has been exploring in psychotherapy as well as in films for many years.

In this new film, he's back on the couch... and imagining that beautiful young women are wanting to join him there. Take a look at Allen, however, and you'll see just how badly he does need some therapy. I've often suspected that Allen has given some of his female characters a really bad treatment--especially considering that Allen, the writer, sets up scenes for Allen, the actor, one of the most unlikely hunks of all filmdom, to play. It's as if the 98-pound weakling is still trying to get back at the prom queen for refusing to dance with him.

This time out, Allen's persona appears as C.W. Briggs, an insurance investigator in New York in the 1940's, and to give Allen his due, he evokes the city in that time with a lush texture of costume, jazz, and photography. Briggs's nemesis is a "career woman" (Helen Hunt), an efficiency expert at the same insurance company, who efficiently puts Briggs in his place. But, that means that Briggs (or is it Allen?) has the opportunity to trash her--do I mean the character Betty Fitzgerald or the actress Helen Hunt? I'm not sure; I'm not sure Allen is either.

Things get as interesting as they can get when Briggs and Fitzgerald fall victim to that stock character, the evil hypnotist, whose post-hypnotic suggestions allows him to use their knowledge to commit virtually perfect robberies.

And, through the robberies, Allen, uh, Briggs, uh, Briggs-Allen meets Laura. Now when I tell you that (1) Laura falls madly in love with Briggs, and (2) Laura is played by Charlize Theron, you will join me in classifying this film as science-fiction.

Well, as I said, I don't get Allen or his work. I certainly don't get the ongoing appeal that he has for some people--as inexplicable as the appeal that his character has for Laura in this film. I know that makes some people think that I need to end up on the therapist's couch a while, but I prefer to keep on rovin' and ravin', invitin' you to join me, with your feet dry and your heart, of course, full of noble thoughts.